Brain Stroke Miracle 3

Seems like all you ever hear about when people face death and come back is the goodie two shoes ending.  “I met God and lived.  Oh, and there was this white tunnel.”

But wasn’t there a decision process?  How’d that go?  What were the pros and cons?

Or is life so compelling the decision is a foregone conclusion?

I don’t think so.  At least, it wasn’t for me.

For me the physical pain was nothing compared to the mental and emotional anguish.  Knowing my condition and what that meant was devastating.

My life was over.

If I choose to continue breathing it meant the possibility of existing in a nightmare state, a burden to others, institutionalized for maybe 20 years, worst of all, a prisoner sealed inside a body that was little more than dead weight.  A human tomb.  Alone.  And without purpose.

Oh, I didn’t need any Doctor to tell me how bad it was.  I knew.  Your spirit always knows the truth.  Don’t blame me if I wasn’t all that anxious to live.

Life at the cost of life itself, what kind of choice is that?   A life void of joy, adventure and beauty.  No long walks on the beach, no movies or art exhibits, no more books.

God, I wouldn’t be able to write!  Or paint!  Or make love!  No creativity.  No way to express the revelations, the ideas, the fun that packs my brain 24/7.

Life without living.  Life minus all the things I love.  Even Brett Favre wouldn’t come back for that.

To spend my remaining years, months, weeks, days, hours, minutes,  seconds and the eternity that seems to lie between them…all without hopes or dreams…that was my decision to make.  Thank God, I had such a wonderful, judgment free environment in which to choose.

Because I’d pretty much decided to cash in my chips.

I’ve always been fascinated with people who’d had near death experiences, but I never thought I’d have one.  Especially, not
one like I had.

See, the near death experiences (NDE) that I’ve heard about always have a tunnel of light, visions of leaving their bodies, ascending from earth and a meeting with God or an Arch Angel like Gabriel or a Manifestation like Christ, Mohammed, Buddha or Baha’u’llah.

Did you know that the Angel Gabriel visited Mother Mary and Mohammed both?  I wouldn’t be surprised if he went to the desert with Christ and again with Baha’u’llah and up the mountain with Moses.  Religions are more alike than we know.

But don’t get excited; I didn’t get one of those near death experiences…mine was more abstract.  More esoteric.  More me.

I also didn’t get the Divine directive from God saying I must go back.  That my time wasn’t up.  All I got was the opportunity to choose.

He, my Special Liaison with the afterlife, gave me a crystal clear picture of what was possible if I chose to stay in the world.

I saw what I could accomplish physically after stroke.  I also saw the effort it would take.  My stroke recovery wasn’t a pretty picture.

Learning to walk and eat all over again.  Slurred speech and thoughts I couldn’t express or even find words for.  Dragging my body around for months, maybe years.  Muscles either refusing to function or spasming involuntarily and incessantly.  Bones pulled out of alignment causing constant stabbing pain.

Not a whole lot of incentive there.  I was ready to fold cash in my chips and call it quits.

Then He showed me what I could accomplish for the ones I love and those that love me.

•    more to come –